What Really is Assertive Communication?

Often people misunderstand what Assertive Communication is, and believe that it is aggressive.  Assertive Communication is independent whereas Aggressive Communication attempts to control.  Specifically, Assertive Communication is empowering without controlling another, it doesn’t ask another to change, it expresses needs, asks clarifying questions, direct, honest, sincere, and respects others beliefs.  In essence, Assertive Communication is confident and respectful.

People often confuse it as Aggressive Communication, due to their insecurities.  We relate everything in the world back to ourselves and make it about ourselves.  An individual that lacks confidence is often disturbed by a person that does, and communicates with such.  The insecure individual may perceive direct and sincere communication as an attack, since they don’t communicate in such a manner and consider their methods and views correct.

The reality is that Assertive Communication is about yourself and respecting yourself.  If another person has an issue with it, that is their problem for them to address.  We can’t control what other people think, or how they react.  Frankly, it is none of our business.  Our point of power is controlling our reactions in the moment, and transforming them from fear based to more loving and accepting.

What Does Assertive Communication Look Like

An assertive person demonstrates that they respect themselves, others and willing to stand up for what they believe, and/or need.  Assertive individuals communicate their thoughts and feelings in a direct, honest and sincere manner while being respectful.

Though, Assertive Communication does not require another person to change for our needs, benefit etc.  Requiring another person to change their behavior to make oneself happy is in essence a victim mentality.  That might be a hard pill to swallow, but if we have a problem with a person; that is our problem.  Such items are actually an opportunity to grow, if we choose.

A Love Story

When Jon and Michelle met sparks flew and both had an instant connection.  It was not long before both were an integral part of each others life, and moving their relationship to next level.  Upon moving in with each other, certain issues began to come up and stress their connection so they believed.  Both believed that living together would and should be harmonious.  Both questioned whether they were right for each other as certain items came up.

 Michelle felt so frustrated that Jon would squeeze the toothpaste from the center of the tube, left food out in the kitchen, that he would not pick up his clothes after changing, etc.  Jon despised that Michelle watched and loved reality shows, and insisted that her car be parked in the garage at his house. 

 Stress in the household mounted when both took opportunities to berate the other for the way they lived.  In essence, they made themselves right by their beliefs and perspective on how things should be.  Both had opportunities to grow, and look past these perceived violations in proper living.  They had the opportunity to realize that it was their expectations that created the perceived issues.

 Both didn’t consider that accepting the person as they are, and looking within at what is causing their disturbance, to recognize and then let go.  Often, we blame the other person for our frustrations and tell them they have to change, while believing we are being assertive.  Is it really Assertive Communication when we require another person to change, or is such Controlling?

In addition, Assertive Communication is positive and can assist with ones stress management since one learns to say “no” and not get overloaded with tasks, responsibilities, etc.

The Benefits of Assertive Communication

Assertive Communication assists a person in feeling empowered without controlling.  A person effectively becomes more clear, confident and direct; which feels good.  From an outside perspective, the individual appears to have it together.

Assertive Communication and behavior may assist in the following:

  • Increased self-confidence
  • Increased self-esteem
  • Release the feeling being controlled by your feelings
  • Earning respect from other individuals
  • Improved communication
  • Develop direct and honest relationships

Assertive Communication may help you in many ways, but be sure to let go of the idea of perfection.  There is no such thing as perfect communication, and providing our best effort is all you can ask for.  Be gentle on yourself and you will see a transformation in regards to how you feel, treat people and other people treat you.

About Las Vegas Anger Management

We provide group and individual training related to how to Manage Anger; assisting individuals in developing their Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Assertive Communication, Empathy, and following from within.

The basis of our program deals with the 3 Principles (http://www.3pgc.org/), mind, thought and consciousness.  Las Vegas Anger Management believes that we all have the capacity to healthy innate living.

Psychological Anger is learned, and our Anger Management techniques focus on teaching individuals the tools that will reduce stress, relieve anxiety and live with a quiet mind.  We believe that at our core, we all desire peace, and a life that is centered and balanced.  If this is what you are seeking, our program is what you want.