The 411 to Effective Communication
Angry outbursts often result when one is not being heard, or understanding. Communication is essential for life. If we were unable to effectively communicate, society as we see it would break down. At the individual level, ineffective communication often results in frustration to the communicator and receiver. We communicate for various reasons and by various methods. What we say, we often believe is important. If another person is not listening, we may feel discounted. Compound the frustration with our insecurity, an Angry outburst may result.
The words we speak may be important, but our non-verbal communication says volumes. We receive the majority of information via facial expressions, hand gestures, voice tone, and body posture. So when we communicate, it is just not what we say, but how we act that really affects our message. Often, we are unaware of what messages we are sending people, since many do not focus much on their non-verbal message.
On the other side, is listening to what another person is saying. Some people get so caught up in their thoughts that they are unable to hear what another is saying. In those instances, a person is not connected and running on their inner programs. As a result, the message is not received and the individual provides an inappropriate or inadequate response. Frustration that arises from such encounters can be limited by active listening.
A person’s message may be missed when the listener is not comfortable and feels stressed. Often the listener is focused on the stress of the situation and is unable to hear what is being said. Communication is a two-way street, and fails are not solely one person’s fault.
Communication with another person often fail when there is a focus on the following: gossiping, judging the person, a negative attitude, complaining, excuses, exaggeration/lying and confusing facts with opinions. If you look at the core, in all instances insecurity is present.
Judging or having a superior attitude doesn’t feel good, and is just a façade.
An example is believing you are a better than others by the job you have or the amount of money. What happens if you lose your job or money? Looking to the external world for validation and confidence is misguided. The reality is, addressing our perceived insecurities will shift how we see and respond to the world. It is within that matters! Confidence grows when we give ourselves a break, along with other people.
Communicating honestly, being authentic, having integrity and speaking with love are significant components to effective communication. Utilizing such components will place the listener at ease, allowing him/her to receive your message.
Often people believe that assertive communication is bossing another person around, barking orders, etc. That is not assertive communication, rather an attempt to control. Assertive communication has nothing to do with the other person. It is all about you; and there is nothing wrong with that.
Assertive communication does not ask or tell another person to change for you to be happy or at peace. It is communicating your needs, or asking clarifying questions. Here are a few examples:
- I need to take a moment to gather my thoughts
- Please tell me what you mean by that comment
Asking another person to change for our peace of mind, is not taking
responsibility for our feelings and is not assertive communication. In essence, such is a victim mentality. When we continue down such a path, often we begin seeing more things in the world that needs to change for us to be happy. The change that is necessary is within; how we think and react to people.
Effective Communication Considerations– 6-Steps
When we speak, most of us want to be heard, since we speak for a reason.
Here are some items to consider:
- What is the message we intend to send
- What is the best method to use (i.e. letter, etc,)
- Consider facial expressions, hand gestures, voice tone, and body posture
- Consider barriers – stress, timing of conversation, defensiveness, etc.
- Check for understanding – request the person to paraphrase back
- Ask for feedback – your turn to listen
None of us are perfect in communicating. Let that idea or goal go! Though, implementing the above ideas will assist us in becoming a more effective communicator and deliberate person.
We provide group and individual training related to how to manage anger; assisting individuals in developing their Emotional Intelligence (EQ), assertive communication, empathy, and following from within.
The basis of our program deals with the 3 Principles (http://www.3pgc.org/), mind, thought and consciousness
. Las Vegas Anger Management believes that we all have the capacity to healthy innate living.
Psychological Anger is learned, and our Anger Management techniques focus on teaching individuals the tools that will reduce stress, relieve anxiety and live with a quiet